Of Women and Breakups

So as if I didn't have enough drama in my life, Jasmine was dumped by Nathan and I'm now the willing rebound-guy, if you will. Nah, it's not quite that bad, but she's leaning on me pretty hard and I'm almost to the point of asking her to back off a little, but won't because A) I want to make sure that there is someone there for her, and I always feel more comfortable doing something myself, and B) I don't want to blow this chance at restoring lost trust. Oh, yah, and a little bit of C) I like the attention too, but don't tell anyone.

I'm happy with her. We've waxed ironic about getting back together sometime in the future, and both agree that we'd probably be happy together, but that we can't do it right now. On her side it's because she's still not over Nathan and if we did get together I really WOULD be the rebound, and on my side I just barely got to the point where I can function on my own and not feel lonely or unloved, and I'm loathe to give that up. Some things we do remind me of what we had, and we'll occasionally lock eyes and gaze for awhile and remember the good times and take comfort in company, but mostly I'm committed to making sure she's happy again, and she's committed to making herself more healthy so that she can pursue life again. That I can get behind.

I'm being careful though. Little hints of falling back in love with her are showing, and I'm recognizing them and supressing them. For instance, being jealous. I'm not allowed to be jealous anymore when she tells me she can now flirt with some cute guy at work, but it doesn't stop it from happening, heh. C'est la vie, I suppose. It will either pass with time, pass with effort, or stay no matter what, and nothing I can do will change the way I feel, so I survive.

I'm so proud of Jasmine though. She is taking the high road here and doing what's difficult for her in regards to Nathan, and what I could not do with her, and in doing so she will most certainly heal faster and with fewer scars, and have a better chance of restoring their friendship. She's keeping herself intact, as much as possible, but still knowing when to reach for help, be it from me, from her family, from Lewis, or from anyone else. I'm so very proud of her for being strong when it would be so easy to be weak. That's my girl.